I can't think of too many situations to feel more alone than walking down a long, empty hospital hallway trying to remember when to turn right or left in order to find your way back to your child's hospital room. The signs are there pointing the way, but sometimes you see them without really seeing them and you're just moving by instincts alone.
But instincts can take you to places you never imagined you'd go ... instincts will allow you to have strengths you never knew existed. Sometimes instincts even take you to the strange but somehow familiar keyboard of the hospital's loaner laptop that Child Life Services gives you and tells you to keep as long as you're here. Sometimes instincts are just trying to keep your body awake long enough to hopefully allow your mind to be too exhausted to go to those terrible thoughts that you're trying to avoid with every fiber of your being during the hours that you're awake.
... and then you re-read that long, run-on sentence and realize that maybe I can really go to sleep now ...
I haven't touched this blog in a very long time and I don't even know if I will turn to it again after tonight. This was a release I needed at this moment. For some strange reason, it just felt right to type these words.
I can't imagine that anyone will even read this. I never had many readers, but there were some. If anyone somehow stumbles across this, please say a special prayer for my 7-year-old son Will. He's in pediatric ICU and was very badly injured Sunday evening. He needs more prayers lifted ... our family needs more prayers ... I need more prayers.